Man Fasting From Meat On Fridays Turns On Inner Kobayashi Minutes Before Clock Strikes Midnight

March 19, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

 

Noticing that he only had minutes before the clock struck midnight, local Catholic Marc Oliver turned on his inner Kobayashi and was able to devour a personal record of hot dogs in just minutes, sources are confirming.

“I had lost track of time, but luckily I had my hot dogs lined up with two cups of water in the dining room,” Oliver said, adding that both cups of water were strictly for dipping and softening the bread.

“I’ve been drinking a lot more water since Lent started just for cases like this. The water helps stretch the stomach so that more food can fit in it in a shorter amount of time. Anyhow, with just ten minutes to spare before it turned Friday, I snapped the wieners in half, swallowing a large bite of hot dog before chasing it with a fistful of wet bun. The bun, dunked in hot water, helped coax the dog down my throat as I prepped the next mouthful. The water’s temperature is very important to my method. Cold water constricts the stomach, warm water opens it up.

Oliver said that after wolfing down 24.5 hotdogs in just under ten minutes, that he could potentially go the rest of Lent without of meat.

At press time, Oliver is in the restroom.

  • PJParks

    What? No mustard?

    • David Poecking

      He can wait until after midnight to swallow the mustard.

      • Jim

        Even if he did all the eating on Friday, is there enough meat in 24.5 hot dogs to really count?

  • David Standeven

    Not too far from the truth, unfortunately. It’s what happens when Lent is seen as a legal obligation rather than a way of living or a voluntary descent into a “Bright Sadness” (per Fr. Alexander Schmemann).

  • T. Audrey Glamour

    I’ve observed that some of the ads on this page seem to be generated by cookies and some by content. One that I am seeing right now has a link to “Feed LA’s Homeless”.

    A recent post about pizza for lent has an ad for “Local chef crafted meals”.

    The post about Raymond Arroyo and Lepanto has an ad for “BP gulf recovery update”.

    LOL I think I have been ignoring some un intended satire!

    Thanks EOTT!

    • Jim

      Great observation. I’m currently getting “5 Foods You Must Not Eat” on this post. They can’t possibly mean hot dogs. Could they?

    • fredx2

      I am getting ads for high-class male clothes that show male models floating up the side of a building.

      I suppose this is what I am supposed to give up for Lent.

    • Jude

      I am getting the LiquiFeed Universal Feeder, which I think is a plant food.
      For the universal Church?
      To nourish our souls?

    • since I use Adblock edge, I see nothing 😛

  • Hotrod1962

    Every year on the feast of Corpus Christi, the nuns of the convent of Our Lady of the Stellar Parallax in Albany NY, regional bakers of communion wafers, hold a unconsecrated host eating contest. This year’s winner was Fr. Jerry Baker who consumed 1,276 hosts in 5 minutes. His technique of dipping the wafers in unconsecrated wine made the difference along with the support of the estimated 5,000 in attendance.

    • Michael Leggett

      Will EWTN & ESPN jointly carry this?

      • Hotrod1962

        Yes, and get there early if you plan on being there…June 15, 2017.