New Annulment Prime Offers 50% Off; Free Shipping

September 8, 2015 by  
Filed under Vatican

The Vatican announced today that it’s making faster, easier annulments an option via its brand new delivery system, Annulment Prime.

The news confirms reports that surfaced last week indicating that the Vatican was staffing up a new “separation division” to compete with services offered by its protestant competitors.

The service will give Annulment Prime members faster annulment options at a fraction of the cost. As an introductory offer, members who sign up to Annulment Prime in the next two days will receive a 30-day free trial. Members will also have access to annulment paperwork order-tracking, as well as the option to track the priest working on his or her case in real-time.

The Vatican says that “customers” will see their annulments finalized and delivered within a day or less with no additional charges or delivery fees.

  • Fr. Savio

    You win the coverage for today. Bravo, sir.

  • Mary Reck

    Did anyone else get the “Online Divorce” pop-up ad on this? LOLOL

    • Fr. Andrew Dickinson

      Legal divorce documents on my browser.

      • Adam Hovey

        I have an advertisement for Kroger.

    • no because of uBlock Origin 🙂

    • cminor

      I just got the “Is he cheating on you?” Email address stalker service ad.

      • That’s the one I got!

        I wonder if they have an “Is she cheating on you?” ad for men?

      • Metro

        I got a Jeep ad, “with 70 security features”. Hmm.

    • AugustaMia

      Yup. And I wndered about whether it was part of EOTT or just coincidence

      • Mary Reck

        I had to click on it to see if it was a real ad or just part of the joke! It was real!

    • Mr. Graves

      “Browse 10000 [sic] Asian Women Profiles.” No joke.

  • HogsAteMySister

    What about the drive-thru window?

  • But it’s 99.00 per year for life plus Purgatory. In addition, expect delays during the Advent/Christmas season.

  • Adam Hovey

    Will it deliver the papers with drones?

  • NickD

    The sad part is that this is hardly different from the real story

  • Patty

    Sign up during the Year of Mercy and the Church will toss in a free membership in CatholicMatch to ‘kindle’ your new relationship!

    • Fantastic! What more do you need?

    • Adam Hovey

      Yeah that free membership doesn’t seem to be working out so well.

    • spirouline

      I see what you did there!

  • Tom Zampino

    Same day service in Manhattan coming soon!

    • samton909

      It will be delivered by the same guys who bring you your chinese food.

  • James Zahler

    I enjoy the pun in “30- day free trial”

  • Wildgraywolf

    I wonder if they’ll offer an annulment gift card to give to the person who has everything?

    • MairinT

      …as a wedding gift of course…so they can be prepared…

  • Romulus

    Crazy Frankie’s is having a mercy blowout!

  • Dan

    I hear additional specials are coming like “mercy” at rock bottom prices – no need to have any repentance or conversion. But German buyers beware! This “cheap mercy” will come with the price of having to again pay your “Church tax”

    • Adam Hovey

      I think I appreciate that., slightly more than some of the other people reading this

  • JohnE_o

    All joking aside, I submitted my annulment paperwork back in February and have heard nothing since.

    If this new change gets my case on the fast track, then I think that’s great.

    • keith marino

      According to Cardinal Burke, it takes time for the clerics involved to conduct a proper and thorough investigation in order to come to a decision, with moral certitude, as to the nullity of a supposed marital bond. It is a matter of justice for a person to know, with moral certainty, the truth in such matters. Some things cannot and ought not be rushed for the sake of coming to a quick decision.

      • JohnE_o

        I was there, I’m morally certain…

        At the time I was agnostic, nominally Protestant but not having gone to church in more than ten years previously. I was married by a friend who had mail-ordered an ordination in the Universal Life Church in order to perform the ceremony.

        Divorce was an option and we were not open to children.

        • WayfarinStranger

          I realize that this isn’t really the place for serious discussion, but do you have an advocate? In our diocese one was assigned, and I could get in touch with him any time to see where things stood.

          The biggest delay is often witnesses not responding promptly, I was told.
          In retrospect, seeing how long civil court proceedings, refinancing a mortgage, etc., anything paper heavy, and with a need for evidence takes, the Marriage Tribunal wasn’t all that slow.

          Prays for you, John.
          (Save the Liturgy, Save the World)

          • JohnE_o

            Thanks Stranger – my witnesses very kindly let me know when they sent their paperwork in and I was assigned an advocate.

            I can see how evidence-heavy processes would be appropriate for catechized cradle Catholics seeking annulment, but for converts such as myself, a simple “Did you have a proper understanding of marriage? Y/N” would simplify much.

            Appreciate the prayers!

        • Kim Bo

          Hmmm sounds invalid. Rest assured, though, if any
          subsequent marriages don’t work out, you can probably
          get another annulment.

  • Hotrod1962

    A drone delivered mine……..it’s lke it came from heaven.

  • Andy

    “Makes a great gift for that sister-in-law getting married on the beach!”

  • Andy

    Don’t forget to add this to your wedding registry!

  • CumExApostolatus

    I just want to say thanks for the laughs. The situation is so dire that the laughs are really appreciated.

  • Sr. Mary Brigid

    This is timely, since Pre-Cana conferences are now available on NetFlix.

    • Jim

      Great news! On Netflix, maybe people will pay more attention to them.

      • Hotrod1962

        Hey…I’ve been married 3 times….check out their “bulk discount”.
        How cool is that?

  • StillCat

    I suspect the Vatican scientists have invented software that allows one to process all the documentation and discern the validity of the previous marriage in a few minutes! Although in retrospect, the very fact that the couple broke up could be pretty strong evidence they had no clue about what a valid sacramental marriage was really about? And the fact that they apply for an annulment could mean they have repented?

    Still, the church should realise there is such a thing as offering too much mercy and repentance to sinners! Think of the “multitudes” wanting to get back and subsequently crowding communion lines and taking up parking spaces!

  • Margaret Benne

    Drone delivered!