USCCB To Publish Compendium Of The Compendium Of The Catechism For College Students

November 14, 2012 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––It was announced today that the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops will be coming out with their highly anticipated Compendium of the Compendium of the Catechism of the Catholic Church for College Students this May. The abridged version of the compendium will attempt to lessen the page count from 200 pages to a more manageable 20 pages. Other highlights of the Compendium of the Compendium will include colored pictures on each page, three pop-out images, and the Are You Following Me? section, which will help insure that the reader has not gotten distracted. One catholic college student asked what he thought about the upcoming Compendium of the Compendium publication responded, “What?”

Following is a sneak preview to some title changes in the new compendium:

Part One: “The Profession of Faith,” will be changed to, “Stuff You Should Probably Know.”

Part Two: “The Celebration of the Christian Mystery,” will be changed to, “Chill Out…It’s One Freakin Hour.”

Part Three: “Life In Christ,” will be changed to, “Do The Exact Opposite Of What You’re Doing Now.”

Part Four: “Christian Prayer,” will be changed to, “Just Close Your Eyes And Pretend You’re Texting Jesus With Your Brain.”

  • UPDATE: They’ve settled on a cover design. To see an example, search Google for “ISBN 0822008807”.

  • FC

    Glad to see we’re meeting those newly-dubbed-by-omphaloskepsistic-sociologists-everywhere-as ’emerging adults’ right where they’re at. I think we can all agree that the last fifty years have demonstrated that simply meeting people where they’re at is the full ticket to success. 🙂

  • victor

    Ha! “Just Close Your Eyes And Pretend You’re Texting Jesus With Your Brain” got an LOL out of me!

  • “Do the exact opposite of what you’re doing now”. Perfect!

  • kdpfam

    Can’t we just dissolve the USCCB.

  • Rose

    I thought FOCUS already made this…?

  • “Christian Prayer,” will be changed to, “Just Close Your Eyes And Pretend You’re Texting Jesus With Your Brain.”

    That is hilarious! It’s so funny because I think that would actually help people understand what prayer is even though it’s so stupid.

  • Tyler Hiles

    im sure sparknotes already beat them to it

  • catechismhead

    Personal confession is OK but let’s wait for mass absolution

  • David Webb

    We don’t need to dissolve the Conference, only to introduce them to the counter-revolution to the heretical work of their human hands, that “smoke of satan” wrought by Vatican II.

    Read: Revolution and Counter-Revolution by Plinio Correa de Oliveira.

  • Mr. Graves

    The whole summary of the Catholic faith in the upcoming “Compendium to the Compendium to the Compendium” will be only one paragraph, conveniently lifted from The Princess Bride:

    Mawwiage. Mawwiage is what bwings us togethew today. Mawwiage, that bwessed awwangement, that dweam within a dweam. And wove, twue wove, wiww fowwow you fowevah and evah… So tweasuwe youw wove…~