University Of Steubenville Quarterback Exclusively Throwing “Hail Marys”

November 27, 2012 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Steubenville, OH––The University of Steubenville, best known for their strict adherence to the Magesterium of the Catholic Church, has decided that their football playbook will continue to contain no other play but the “Hail Mary”. “Even in football we’re called to heed the words of St. Paul when he says, ‘Pray without ceasing,’” University President Reverend Terence Henry told Eye of the Tiber just moments after he released every running back and tightend from the roster. “No matter the situation, our quarterback will continue to exclusively throw a ‘Hail Mary’. And in this way shall we proclaim the power of the rosary.” And while some have criticized Henry, calling his eccentric decision to continue to limit his play book to “Hail Marys” nothing more than a publicity stunt for the small Catholic college, Henry believes otherwise. “Look…people only tend to pray in desperate situations, and that’s wrong…so why only use this play in desperate situations? All we’re trying to do is to show people that just as you ought to pray without ceasing, so then should you also use this play without ceasing…you following me?” But the radical decision made for a humiliating defeat in a game last month against Ave Maria University when, with Steubenville down by three points with one second left in the game and just one yard from the endzone, Quarterback Rich Vaughan stepped back to pass and launched the football through the uprights and clear into the stands.

  • http://virgosapiens.wordpress.com Caroline

    Ave Maria > Hail Mary because the devil hates Latin

  • Matthew

    As G.K. Chesterton once said, “To cease throwing Hail Marys is to cease to be Catholic.”

  • Nate

    Funniest thing about this article is that Franciscan University doesn’t even have a football team. They do have rugby and soccer though.

  • http://catholiccats.blogspot.com/ Julia

    I propose they include plays for the LOTH. Quite a bit more variety. :)

  • Michael Barsness

    And the picture is of someone playing flag football…

  • WilliamofGaul

    Now just abandon the novus ordo

  • Don Griffith

    I am all for an offence based on the Hail Mary. But what good is the Hail Mary for defence?

    • Lobi

      No need to be defensive…

  • http://LayEvangelist.com Gomer

    This is so well written and captures Franciscan University perfectly. I have no idea who is behind this website, but it has officially and eternally become my favorite.

  • http://Twitter.com/lukecarey Luke

    Gomer, you didn’t even play flag football!

  • Patrick

    The only football Franciscan has is flag football. I played Franciscan flag football, and I approved Gomer’s message.

  • Joe

    How about you use the full name of my Alma Mater , Franciscan University of Steubenville Ohio. I also played flag football when I was there .

  • Penny

    Football or not love the message. In any situation pray