Vatican Threatens To Relocate Holy See To Los Angeles If Rome Doesn’t Build New Retractable Roof Basilica

February 23, 2015 by  
Filed under Politics

Meeting with Rome Mayor Ignazio Marino’s nine-member basilica advisory group for the first time this week, representatives of the Catholic Church provided a blunt assessment on the city’s effort to build a new retractable roof basilica that would keep the Church in Rome. Giuseppe Bertello, the Church’s President of the Pontifical Commission for Vatican City State and point... Read More

BREAKING: New England Priest May Have Deflated Parishioner Enthusiasm During Homily

January 23, 2015 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Things are beginning to get interesting in New England after Archbishop Sean Patrick O’Malley met with the media yesterday and said he knew nothing about whether or not a diocesan priest purposely deflated parishioner enthusiasm for the Church during last Sunday’s homily. The homily, which many are now calling  “fluffgate” because of its absence of any substance, has brought nationwide... Read More

31 NFL Head Coaches Face Possible Firings For Not Drafting Openly Gay Defensive End Michael Sam

July 23, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

New York, NY–According to reports coming from the National Football League today, 31 NFL head coaches are facing possible firings after intolerantly deciding to pass over mediocre 24-year-old Defensive End Michael Sam. “We cannot and will not tolerate intolerance in the National Football League,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told the press this morning. “Therefore, we have decided... Read More

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

July 13, 2014 by  
Filed under Vatican

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective today. FIFA, the international governing body of association football, said today it has voted the largely unknown Argentinian National Team to assume the title of champions of the soccer world. In a statement issued today, the... Read More

God Apparently Hates Brazil

July 8, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

Kingdom of Heaven––Speaking from His Eternal Throne of Cherubim, God the Creator of all that is visible and invisible confirmed today that while His Love for all mankind is as boundless as the sand on the seashore, He is “not a fan” of Brazil.   “From the beautiful beaches of its coast along the Atlantic to its lush rain forest surrounding the Amazon River, the... Read More

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