2014 Sochi Olympics: Why Has The Vatican Yet To Medal?

February 16, 2014 by  
Filed under Vatican

SOCHI, Russia––For only the third time in Winter Games history, the United States swept the podium, capturing the top three spots Thursday in Slopestyle Skiing’s Olympic debut, an event that many sports historians say was created in the past four years by a half-baked college kid in his dorm room in Colorado. In the meantime, the Vatican has yet to medal, leading EOTT to ask just why... Read More

Rookie Monk Out For Advent Season With High Tonsure Sprain

December 15, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass

Tonsure

St. Louis, MO–– St. Louis rookie Augustinian Brother Ambrose will be sidelined two to three weeks with a high tonsure sprain, The Augustinian Daily is reporting. Ambrose was injured during last Sunday’s Vesper hour after bowing too fast. “I was being reckless,” Ambrose told EOTT. “I was late on the bow…I tried to make up time so I could resynchronize my bow with... Read More

Notre Dame Linebacker Duped Into Playing For Fake Catholic University

January 20, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

manti-teo-heisman

South Bend, IN––According to sources within the University of Notre Dame last week, star linebacker Manti Te’o was “duped” into attending and playing for what he believed to be a real Catholic university. The university told reporters that Te’o, who became the inspirational force behind the Fighting Irish’s Cinderella run to the BCS National Championship this... Read More

University Of Steubenville Quarterback Exclusively Throwing “Hail Marys”

November 27, 2012 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

FOOTBALL

Steubenville, OH––The University of Steubenville, best known for their strict adherence to the Magesterium of the Catholic Church, has decided that their football playbook will continue to contain no other play but the “Hail Mary”. ”Even in football we’re called to heed the words of St. Paul when he says, ‘Pray without ceasing,’” University President... Read More