Area Baptist Church Runs Out Of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice For Communion

December 5, 2012 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

San Diego, CA–Pastor Kyle Sandera of Newlife Baptist Church in San Diego, California says that an unanticipated large crowd at Sunday service this past weekend depleted their Welch’s 100% Grape Juice reserve before everyone was able to partake in the breaking of bread. “We honestly just didn’t expect that that many people would show,” Sandera told Eye of the Tiber. “30 people! It’s our first year as a church, so I guess we’re still learning.”

One Newlife member, who asked to remain anonymous, claims that the 24-ounce bottle of Welch’s 100% Grape Juice used for communion was half empty before the service had even begun. “One of Pastor Kyle’s kids got his hands on the bottle and was suckin’ that thing down like he’d never tasted a symbolic representation of Christ’s blood before. It’s alright though,” he continued, “doesn’t say anywhere in scripture that the symbol of our Lord’s blood has to be Welch’s…that would be ridiculous.” The man went on to tell Eye of the Tiber that he was actually glad to see the grape juice finish before it got to him, and that he liked the replacement juice he received, jokingly calling it the “Capri Sun Sacrament.” “You know…nothing like sitting there in our church in the airconditioned boardroom at the Bay Front Motel 6 drinking a Capri Sun to help recall the Last Supper.”

  • Stephen Dalton

    Ironically, Welch’s Grape juice was originally sold as communion ‘wine’. The founder of the company was a prohibitionist who was scandalized by the fact his church used alcohol in it’s communion services. So he came up with his non-alcoholic ‘wine’ grape juice formula to ease the troubled consciences of his fellow teetotalers.

  • Panda Rosa

    Is it still true that Welch’s supports the John Birch Society?

  • Stephen Dalton

    Welch’s Grape Juice has no connection to the Birchers. Robert Welch, the founder of the JBS, had a candy manufacturing business which he sold when he founded the Society.

  • Martha

    I hope they do! That would rock, as the JBS rocks. But I doubt it.

    I did have the unfortunate experience once, as a confused teen, to partake of the ‘Temple’ wine at a Lutheran church. It’s like the syrupy sweet kool-aid of wines. It came in individual shot glasses!

  • BStahr

    I showed this to my mother she found it amusing. I’ll up you one, growing up I was part of a Southern Baptist church in rural Illinois. They use the grape juice and oyster crackers for their montly communion. I still dislike oyster crackers. LoL

    • Kim Bo

      I grew up suthern babdist in the great state of ga and I loved those little crackers!

      Seattle sedevacantist

  • And then there was the time somebody at Memorial Baptist grabbed the wrong jug, and we all ended up with a little eyewash cup of prune juice.