Scalia Beheaded For Wearing Thomas More Hat To Inauguration

January 22, 2013 by  
Filed under Politics, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––Just one day after he was seen wearing a replica of the cap made famous by 16th century martyr Thomas More, thousands of onlookers today witnessed the beheading of Justice Anton Scalia in the National Mall. Under heavy security, Scalia, a conservative jurist in the Supreme Court, was escorted out of the National Mall by officials for questioning immediately after the Presidential Inauguration yesterday. “After hours of talks with Justice Scalia, it became quite apparent that he had no intentions of accepting Obama as the supreme head of America,” an anonymous official stated after the beheading. “He was asked a number of questions, including whether or not he believed that President Obama had jurisdiction over the Catholic Church in America…whether or not he [President Obama] did or did not have the power to redefine marriage as he saw fit, and also whether Justice Scalia felt silly wearing that hat. To these questions also, it was evident that he would not agree and sign.” After an expeditious trial by his peers at the Supreme Court this morning, Scalia was beheaded in front of thousands at the National Mall. Witnesses at the beheading say that Scalia’s final words were, “I am the President’s good servant, but God’s first. Joking…I never really was the President’s good serv…”

  • Bill

    While white is out after labor day, that hat is a hat for all seasons

    • Lucas

      I see what you did there, Robert Bolt…

  • Vladimir

    I can’t find this anywhere else. Obviously the mass media is trying to cover it all up.

  • Jonathan

    Oh so apropos…

  • Joe

    You guys rock! This website is hilarious…and Catholic…it’s great to see the sanctification of modern humor…good stuff.

  • Jeff

    HILARIOUS!!! as always!

  • Jim of Olym

    Unfortunately, Scalia’s hat is very like that of Thomas Cramner.

  • Roderick Blyth

    Governments are funny about hats – John Fisher was executed in the same year as Thomas More when the Pope gave him a red one,

  • victor

    I can’t tell if this article is pro-Saint Thomas More hat or anti-Saint Thomas More hat. It’s all so confusing.

  • Marie Augustine

    I think the point is Scalia is making a statement of dissent towards the POTUS and his policies. Amen to Scalia

  • secondeve

    Dear eye, my hat is off to you, and mostly especially to Justice Anton Scalia.

  • “I am the President’s good servant, but God’s first. Joking…I never really was the President’s good serv…” HA HA HA HA HA

  • Christopher Leo Biddle

    Darn Italians. Everyone knows St. Thomas More was a good Irishman.

  • J.Spencer

    This DID not happen. Scalia was questioned by no one except certain segments of the leftwing media.

    • Margaret

      Dude, you know Eye of the Tiber is the Catholic version of The Onion, only funnier, right???

  • Gina Nakagawa

    Faith and begorrah! Thomas More was an Englishman, and a rare exception- a good one! Justice Scalia is a magnificent man, and a worthy successor to St. Thomas More, hat and all. Bravissimo!!!!!!

  • Paul Schumann

    that last line… perfect.

  • RB

    Probably appropriate as he has since been martyred.

  • FLady15

    In light of the justice’s death, perhaps it may be advisable to remove this piece from the site. It’s a great piece, but a bit hard to read now that he truly is gone.

    • Adrian Johnson

      Nah. Scalia would have preferred it this way.