Vatican Approves Construction of World’s Largest Bus To Throw Chinese Catholics Under

October 10, 2018 by  
Filed under Vatican

  The Vatican said this past weekend that it had reached an agreement with China on the process of constructing the “largest, most biggest ever” bus to throw Chinese Catholics under. The deal paves the way for bishops and laity who have been faithful to the Rome to be “royally screwed for their loyalty,” while rewarding bishops created without papal approval. “For Pope Francis, the construction of the mega bus has been one of his most ambitious... Read More

Local Parish Abandons Mass So As Not To Distract From Parishioners’ Conversations

October 5, 2018 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  Local pastor Fr. Robert Dunn reported to his congregation in the parish newsletter this morning that beginning the week after Christmas, all Masses were to be replaced by an hour of “straight-up fellowship.” This news came as no shock to many of the parishioners who said that the Mass had been disintegrating for some time before the announcement was made official. “Oh yeah, we saw this coming a mile away,” said 43-year-old parishioner Jacob... Read More

Vatican To Allow Trump To Choose American Bishops

October 3, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics

Image: Gage Skidmore   The Vatican’s recent agreement to give America say over bishop appointments has critics accusing the Church of caving in to the current administration’s pressure. Though the specifics of the deal announced Tuesday are unknown, Pope Francis said this morning that the agreement allows for a discussion with Donald Trump on the naming of bishops, but that ultimately the pope will decide. “The thing is done in dialogue,”... Read More

Brett Kavanaugh To Lead Life Of Prayer, Penance At DC Kegger

October 1, 2018 by  
Filed under Politics

  Former nominee to the Supreme Court Brett Kavanaugh has begun his life of prayer and penance at a Washington, D.C. kegger, friends and family have reported. Kavanaugh was sentenced to a “life of prayer and penance” by congress this week after allegations of sexual assault at a 1982 house gathering. Some “eighty female sources” close to disgraced former nominee told EOTT that while living in prayer and penance, Kavanaugh will be forbidden... Read More

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