Catechism Student Loan Debt Reaches $1.8 Hundred Nationwide

July 6, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  Total catechism student loan debt in the U.S. has officially topped $1.8 hundred dollars. In March, the Francis administration announced a series of changes to the Free Application For Federal Catechism Aid (FAFCA), the form for prospective catechists applying for church financial aid. This measure was taken in the hopes of making the burden of learning the fundamentals of Catholicism more manageable. EOTT has found in a recent study that cradle... Read More

Man With “Only God Can Judge Me” Tattoo Most Likely Going To Hell

June 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  Sources at the USCCB confirmed today that notorious womanizer and overall prick Brody Kakedelis, who once attended St. Thomas More Academy, will most likely end up in hell, despite a new tattoo he has on his forearm reading, “Only God Can Judge Me.” 32-year-old Kakedelis, who has reportedly been involved in numerous altercations with law enforcement after nights of binge drinking and getting into fights with at least three live-in girlfriends,... Read More

YOUCAT Releases YOUROSE, The New Fidget Spinner Rosary

June 15, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

YOUCAT announced last month the release of their new fidget spinner rosary called YOUROSE, a fifty-nine-pronged rosary/toy intended to minimize distraction during prayers, and since then, it has taken the Catholic world by storm. Seen spinning in the hands of children, adults, and now even priests during Mass, YOUROSE has even caught the Pope’s attention, who was seen on video last week during his weekly General Audience praying with his own spinner. Churches... Read More

Oklahoma City Priest Finally Wins Salvation After Joining Forces With Golden State Clergy

June 13, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image: Andrew Hermiz Golden State clergy won eternal salvation last night after they defeated priests in the diocese of Cleveland in a dazzling display of conversions. Determined to make amends for last liturgical season’s debacle, when they allowed Cleveland priests to come back from a 3 to 1 conversion deficit in one of the most stunning and memorable comebacks in Church history, Oakland-based priests came out with an incredible show of spiritual resolve... Read More

USCCB Announces Plans To Come Out With Dark, Gritty Reboot Of The Mass

June 9, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  In an effort to attract more young people, the USCCB announced today that they will begin working on a dark, gruesome, and gritty reboot of the Novus Ordo. Speaking with EOTT, Bishop Robert Lombardo, who came up with the idea for the reboot, said that they hope to begin saying the new Mass beginning next fall. “Right now we’re just beginning to work on the new translation, which we’re tentatively calling ‘The Mass: Rise of the Godman.’” Lombardo... Read More

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