Study: Nearly 20% Of Altar Girls Aspire To The Priesthood

September 21, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Guest Author: Kevin Kukla ( Sources from inside the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops revealed exciting news this morning after an internal study revealed that nearly 20% of altar girls in the U.S. aspire to the priesthood. One insider called the survey an “exciting discovery,” saying that the bishops now have tangible proof that their project to boost vocational numbers is proving successful. “With this current... Read More

Jim Gaffigan Officially Confirmed Catholic After Delivering Self-Righteous Rant On Social Media

September 1, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Days after Jim Gaffigan took to social media in a self-righteous Twitter rant about Donald Trump and his supporters, the Vatican has officially confirmed the 54-year-old comedian, officially making him a Catholic.  “We’re obviously so happy to have one of the most popular Catholic comedians officially be confirmed Catholic,” said local priest, Fr. Timothy McCoy. “Confirmation is obviously the beginning of a new life in Christ, but what... Read More

Local Conservative Questioning His Pro-Life Stance After Fr. James Martin Prays For The Unborn At DNC

August 31, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Close to a week after Jesuit priest Fr. James Martin prayed for the unborn at the National Democratic Convention, local conservative Catholic Reggie Duval neared the end of yet another day in which he pondered whether or not he would remain pro-life. “As you could imagine, this has been a real struggle for me,” Duval told EOTT, rewatching the scene in which Martin, a liberal leaning priest, prayed for the unborn. “I’ve probably watched this... Read More

Local Rad Trad Eagerly Searching For Video Of Pope Francis’ Baptism

August 25, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Frantically scouring the internet in hopes of discovering video of Pope Francis’ baptism, local rad trad Ezekiel Radcliff told friends that he hoped to find evidence that the baptism was said improperly, thereby proving once and for all that Francis is not a Christian, let alone successor to St. Peter. “I know it’s a long shot, but since it looks like this guy isn’t going anywhere anytime soon, I’ve gotta do something,”... Read More

Report: 10% Fewer Catholic High School Students Will Leave Their Faith Due to School Closures

July 28, 2020 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Kevin Kukla ( A survey of recent-graduating seniors from Catholic high schools from across the country today revealed some surprising statistics. According to the survey, only 63% of graduating seniors admitted to being atheists by the end of their senior year of Catholic high school, a 10% reduction from the previous year. Patsy Jenkins, the principal a local Catholic high school, was not happy about the findings, saying... Read More

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