Man Sits Through Entire St. Therese Film; Second John XXIII Miracle Now Confirmed

July 25, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Murrieta, CA––Just weeks after Pope Francis waived the second miracle requirement for the canonization of Pope John XXIII, the Congregation for the Causes of Saints have announced that they have found and approved a miracle attributed to the late pontiff. What the Vatican is calling an “inexplicable surge of supernatural endurance” by a Murrieta man who was able to sit through a viewing of the 2005 film St. Thérèse in one sitting... Read More

“I Told Him Left…Make A Freaking Left,” Pope Vents To Youth

July 23, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Rio de Janeiro––Just a day after his driver made a wrong turn down a busy street in Rio de Janeiro, a visibly irritated Pope Francis vented to close to a million youth gathered for World Youth Day. “If I told him once, I told him twenty times, ‘drive…away…from…the…mob…of…people,'” the Pope said to those who had gathered with the anticipation of hearing the Pontiff discuss the role of young people... Read More

New Book Highlights “Systematic Oppression, Degradation” Of Women In Bible

July 21, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––Fresh off her groundbreaking sermon denouncing “the misogynist St. Paul” for depriving the demoniac girl of her spiritual gifts in Acts 16:16, Presiding Bishop of the Episcopal Church Reverend Katharine Jefferts Schori has published another landmark piece of scriptural exegesis.  In a new set of essays entitled The Great Amend, Schori highlights the systematic oppression, degradation, and misunderstanding of women throughout... Read More

Diversity The Greatest Moral Virtue, New Study Finds

July 18, 2013 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads, Uncategorized

Washington, DC––According to a new study out today by Georgetown University’s Department of Theology, the theological and moral virtues are no longer the only virtues for attaining happiness, and the greatest of all the virtues has long been ignored. “We’re not talking about environmentalism,” Department of Theology head Cherie Mortiman told the Eye of the Tiber in an interview earlier this morning. “It’s even more basic... Read More

USCCB Restricts Free Spread Of Lumen Fidei; “Just Like St. Paul Did With Book Of Galations.”

July 14, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Washington, DC––Just a week after the USCCB accused popular Catholic blogger and writer Brandon Vogt of “violating civil and moral law” and stealing from the Pope for making available Pope Francis’ new encyclical as a free download, USCCB officials are now stepping up efforts to justify their stance. In a written statement to the press late last night, an anonymous Bishop attempted to clarify reasons why they called on Vogt to cease... Read More

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