Lazy Man Not Helping To Put Up Kneeler

January 14, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

West Bloomfield, MI––A source out of St. Ulric Catholic Church in West Bloomfield, Michigan confirmed Sunday that parishioner Alexander Ramsey had not lifted a finger to assist in putting up or down the kneeler for the consecration. “I can see he’s a really big guy, but come on…I know he can reach down a foot,” the source told Eye of the Tiber. “Or just use your foot, for goodness sakes. It’s not difficult…look,” he said, going on to show how it was done, putting it up then down, then up again and down again. “Oh, how hard and straining that was,” he said, mockingly, as he wiped invisible sweat from his forehead. “Look, I’m not an idiot,” the source later confirmed. “I know exactly what’s going on here. Every time I reach down for the kneeler he moves his hand toward the kneeler as if he was just about to do it. It’s alright. He may think he can pull one over on me, but he can’t pull one over God.”

  • StopTheInsanity

    Mr. Ramsey’s penance should be to crawl around and affix felt buffers on every kneeler in the church. That way, the Amen will not be accompanied by the clanging of 500+ kneelers being slammed up by people’s feet as they exuberantly hop up to join hands for the Our Father.

    • Micha Elyi

      I applaud “Lazy Man”. Somebody must be the first in every parish to set the good example. The kneelers should be left down, at least until after the sign of peace.

      Going further, we must admit that kneelers are for the weak of faith. Did Jesus use a kneeler as he prayed in the garden of Gethsemane? And pews, they’re a Protestant innovation. (Tell a Proddy that their services are based on an invention of men and watch their heads spin. Great fun!)

      • I attend an Anglican Use Mass most Sundays…we kneel from the Preface until it is time to receive Holy Communion, and then we kneel some more until the tabernacle door is closed. It’s around 45 minutes-1 hour of kneeling!!!!

        • john

          You should join the One True Faith–only 15 or so minutes of kneeling, according to apostolic succession. What WAS that Henry VIII thinking???

          • I. Demergo

            “Anglican Use” refers to a fully Roman Catholic Church for people who have converted from protestant, and especially Anglican, denominations.
            I myself also attend an Anglican Use church. The liturgy and rituals are much more beautiful and traditional than many of the non-Anglican Use parishes I’ve attended.

      • Will

        I bring some barbed wire and broken glass to church and kneel on that.

        • Peter Michael Beck

          Only Opus Dei members are permitted to do that.

    • Casper

      The clanging and scraping of kneelers is a beautiful sound, I think. Especially on hard-surface flooring…It is not a Protestant sound.

  • Will

    Every week I am mystified by the fact that about 90% of Catholics can’t figure out how to silently raise and lower their kneelers.

    • fredx2

      It’s funner to bang them.

    • Peter Michael Beck

      At Easter they forget, because the last time was Christmas.

  • Christopher Leo Biddle

    When I was a boy we didn’t have kneelers… probably because I wasn’t Catholic.

  • Commodore Windsock

    No justice, no peace!

  • Jim

    Mr. Ramsey is the same guy who gets on an elevator, sees you just a few feet away, and then fakes a reach for the “open” button as the doors close.