Vatican Insiders Reveal Holy Father Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

February 24, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

VATICAN CITY–Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation was not his old age, but in fact an inability to keep up with the “fabulousness” of the Roman Curia. “The Holy Father is a simple man,” our sources said, “and can’t keep up with the non-stop furniture re-arrangements, the hair stylings, or the near-hourly musical numbers he found himself surrounded by in the Vatican.” The source revealed that, in mid-conversation, members of the Roman Curia often break out into song and dance routines “in order to better express their feelings.” It was apparently this exuberant, flamboyant lifestyle that the Holy Father felt he could not keep up with in his old age. “I mean, just look at the way he dresses. There’s no way he could do mid-air splits in that old cassock. And white is so 2010.” The source added, “I mean, he did pull out the pink chasuble once or twice a year, but that’s not exactly up to speed on the amount of flare expected these days in the Vatican.” The source concluded, addressing the tiny dog he was carrying: “Is it pwincess?”

  • Very funny.

    But who will be the Man steely enough to break the teeth of the Homosexual Serpent that is killing the Spouse of Christ?

    Predatory Perverted Prelates and Priests must be immediately removed from office and excommunicated if they have been proven guilty of committing sexual assaults (and ALL sexual acts twixt Priest and adolescent male is assault) against the sheep but I can’t think of any Papabili willing to take on this Three-headed Homosexual Serpent who embodies the malign and sulphurous aspects of our ancient enemies- The World, The Flesh, and The Devil.

    • Tony

      Wow, that’s about as poetic a comment as I’ve EVER seen.

  • I believe it’s “flair”, not “flare”.

  • Panda Rosa

    Can’t blame Papa Benedict at all in this case, his head must be spinning.
    By the way, when you refer to PPP & Ps, warn me so I can stand out of range.

  • Mike Malone

    Well this is perfect and now I support Cardinal Mahony’s attendance at the upcoming conclave. Think about it, he could teach the Cardinals to line dance so they can make a big entrance; he could choreograph a little liturgical dance…… get a few women in flowing robes to prance around the alter… a little mambo music…… a big band on the alter behind the celebrant……dress the choir in ‘gay’ robes. It would remind me of his annual Religious Education Congress. Ohhhhh…….sheeeeesh, I can hardly wait.

    • Panda Rosa

      If he throws in a number spotlighting Cardinal Fang doing the splits I’m there! Pass the cushions.

  • Lepanto

    I think that you mean ‘flair’ in the penultimate sentence, unless this is a 70’s fashion reference! (Pedants of the world unite, you have nothing to lose but your friends!)