Vatican Insiders Reveal Holy Father Resigned Because Roman Curia “Too Fabulous”

February 24, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

VATICAN CITY–Sources close to Pope Benedict revealed today that the ultimate reason for his resignation was not his old age, but in fact an inability to keep up with the “fabulousness” of the Roman Curia. “The Holy Father is a simple man,” our sources said, “and can’t keep up with the non-stop furniture re-arrangements, the hair stylings, or the near-hourly musical numbers he found himself surrounded by in the Vatican.” The source revealed that, in mid-conversation, members of the Roman Curia often break out into song and dance routines “in order to better express their feelings.” It was apparently this exuberant, flamboyant lifestyle that the Holy Father felt he could not keep up with in his old age. “I mean, just look at the way he dresses. There’s no way he could do mid-air splits in that old cassock. And white is so 2010.” The source added, “I mean, he did pull out the pink chasuble once or twice a year, but that’s not exactly up to speed on the amount of flare expected these days in the Vatican.” The source concluded, addressing the tiny dog he was carrying: “Is it pwincess?”