Bloodied Sister Desperately Scrambling To Get Hold Of Phone Before Chainsaw Nun Arrives

September 15, 2017 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Image-NicksSawMart   In the aftermath of seven unexplained murders at St. Therese Convent in Miami, Florida, local novitiate Sister Martha Mary is reportedly crawling toward a cell phone located just out of arms reach before the mysterious Chainsaw Nun gets to her. In an exclusive interview with EOTT moments ago, sources hiding in a closet filled with loose hanging pots and pans said that the sound of the chainsaw was getting ever closer to Sister... Read More

Francis Condemns Magnum Principium, Begins Saying Latin Mass After Hitting Head During Popemobile Accident

September 12, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image:Zebra48bo   Days after the Pontiff sustained injuries after hitting his head in a popemobile accident in Colombia, Pope Francis has now condemned his own motu proprio, Magnum Principium, allowing bishops’ conferences control over the translation of liturgical texts. Pope Francis had originally published the motu proprio, which shifted control over liturgical texts from Apostolic See to diocesan bishop, before hitting his head against a bar... Read More

Pope Moves To End Program That Protects Young, Uncatechized Catholics From Having To Leave Church

September 5, 2017 by  
Filed under Politics

  Pope Francis on Tuesday ordered an end to the Benedict XVI order that shielded young, uncatechized Catholics from having to leave the Church. “I do not favor punishing children, most of whom are now adults, because their parents somehow converted to Catholicism without being catechized,” Francis said in a written statement. “But we must also recognize that we are Church of opportunity because we are a Church of canon laws.” The statement... Read More