Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name

October 16, 2012 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades ago parishioners began to give her nicknames. “It’s not like they were bad names or anything…they just weren’t mine. Sometimes when I’d walk by, some of the parishioners would call out things like, ‘Hey, look everyone, here comes Bread of Life!’ or, ‘Hey, Fire of Love, you dropped something!'” But after years of unheeded requests to the church pastor, Fr. Rick Thames, to have fellow parishioners stop messing with her name, the Vatican has finally intervened in defense of Day. In a letter written to St. Luke Parish, the Vatican has not only asked Thames to stop nicknaming Day, but to also take measures to dissuade parishioners from calling her by any other name but that which her mother gave to her at birth, effective immediately. “Look, I’m not trying to be a party-pooper or anything…I mean, I know nicknames are the in thing right now, but I’m just too old for that crap.”

  • Meanwhile, her shy fellow parishioner Gloria Ann Eggshellsys is waiting for the day where they don’t sing her name a half dozen times in the course of one song.

  • I am so glad that there are other people annoyed by these liturgical abuses! Follow the rubrics. While we are at it, let’s try to look and sound like a Roman Catholic Mass (see the Extraordinary Form for examples).

    • Admiral Nissan

      You do realize that this is a parody site, Skeezix???????

  • Annie

    Not to mention, ignoring her requests is just plain disrespectful. I hope people finally wake up, Agnes.

  • Panda Rosa

    It could be worse, she could have been named Gladys, like one woman who was, and went thru school with the moniker “Happy Heinie”, think about it a minute.

  • Jacqueline Y.

    If only someone had told the Spirit and Song people to knock it off with trying to make De-i into a one syllable word.

  • Amen. Now they need to crack down on “Gloria”s with a refrain.

    • Kim Bo

      Indeed–they feel like marathons!! Who invented them? They become dreadfully long.

  • Michael Leggett

    Agnes Day is one who Archie Bunker would mispronounce as Catholic Prayer.

  • FW Ken

    Sad to say, I knew a women named Agnes Day. Her son was an Episcopal priest.

  • epb

    In the post-conciliar spirit of Betty Cantu liturgical adaptation held sway. Agnes Day can blame Betty Cantu, and correct the abuses done in her name.

  • Jenny Fleckt has the same problem at our parish. So does Duncan Horace Mortis.