Dejected Stars Ryan Gosling And Emma Stone To Teach Liturgical Dance At Next Year’s LA LA Religious Education Conference

February 28, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

After a humiliating loss for Best Picture at this year’s Academy Awards, desperate La La Land stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone have signed a one-weekend deal to teach liturgical dance at next year’s Religious Education Conference. “Our theme next year will be ‘Embrace The Body Motion,’” Conference executive Bill Thompson said this morning. “All our dance lessons and events will focus on how we express our love for Christ by... Read More

Papal Conclave Error: Burke Wins Papacy After Conclave Mix-Up

February 27, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

Image:Нұрлан Саят

Image:Нұрлан Саят In an epic mistake that drew gasps from Catholics and non-Catholics around the world yesterday, Cardinal Protodeacon Jean-Louis Tauran recently announced that he mistakenly named Jorge Mario Bergoglio as pope at the 2013 Papal Conclave, when in reality it was Cardinal Raymond Burke that won the top prize. The newly-elected Pope Francis was saying some random thing that would have made many Catholics scratching their heads... Read More

Pope Francis Says It’s Better To Be An Atheist Than To Enjoy The DC Cinematic Universe

February 24, 2017 by  
Filed under Vatican

“If you watched Suicide Squad or Batman v. Superman and somehow convinced yourself that they were enjoyable movies, or lead a ‘double life’ where you defend the DC Cinematic Extended Universe externally but feel a deep sadness about it internally, perhaps it’s better not to call yourself a believer in God at all,” Pope Francis said on Friday. “So many fanboys insist the critics got it wrong and that the Rotten Tomatoes scores don’t reflect... Read More

Woman Shocked To Learn Her Daughter Eloping In Vegas After Doing Nothing to Catechize Her

February 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux

Image: Antoine Tavenaeux Local Catholic Marissa Vaughan was saddened to learn this afternoon that her daughter had decided to elope in Las Vegas after years of not doing jack to catechize her. In what came as a “complete and utter shock,” a tearful Vaughan told EOTT this morning that the decision was very much disappointing, especially considering how much money she and her husband spent on “Catholic school.” “I’m not... Read More

Vatican Pressured To Declare Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr

February 22, 2017 by  
Filed under Politics

Image:Official Leweb Photos

Image:Official Leweb Photos Several high ranking officials of the Bannonite Catholic Church today asked Pope Francis to declare former senior editor for Breitbart Milo Yiannopoulos Confessor And White Martyr. “Don’t get me wrong, I still think gays are really gross and when they’re just regular, chaste ones faithful to the Church, I’m still quite happy to treat them as the creepy filth that they are,” said one... Read More

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