Millions To Miss Pope’s Global Hour Of Adoration Due To Super Busy Schedules

May 30, 2013 by  
Filed under Uncategorized, Vatican

Adoration

World, The–Citing “super busy” schedules, millions from around the globe are reporting that they unfortunately are not going to be able to make it to the first-ever Worldwide Eucharistic Adoration led by Pope Francis this Sunday. The news comes as a shock to many in the Vatican who were counting on the millions of Catholics from around the world to show up so that Pope Francis would not have to cover their hour. Millions, who originally planned... Read More

Man In Search Of Answers Closes Eyes, Flips Through Bible, Says “Stop,” “Left Page,” “Right Column”

May 27, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Bible

Bowling Green, KY––It was reported earlier this morning that 31-year-old Alvin Rush, who just hours ago left a job interview, recently sat down to pray about his future before giving up, and picking up a Bible to flip through at random for an answer. A longtime friend of Rush, Jerry Rodgers, told Eye of the Tiber that Rush had dwelt about the job for hours before finally deciding to spend some time in prayer. “Well, we knelt and prayed together,... Read More

17-Year-Old Homeschool Boy Figures Out Trinity While Mother Combs His Hair

May 26, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Homeschool

Portland, OR––According to the Brandt family moments ago, 17-year-old homeschooler Jake Brandt has solved the greatest mystery known to man. Brandt, who had just gotten out of the shower, reportedly worked out and solved the mystery of the Holy Trinity while his mother Cherry Brandt worked, furiously, to comb down a few stubborn hairs on the back of his head. “Funny thing is, he’s not even the smartest kid on the block,” Cherry Brandt told Eye... Read More

There Was Certainly A Point During My Clown Mass When I Thought, “What The Hell Am I Doing?”

May 23, 2013 by  
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized

Clown

Tuscan, AZ–Pastor of St. Genesius Catholic Church in Tuscan, Arizona Fr. Edmond Harrington confirmed to reporters this afternoon that at one point during his first Clown Mass, he looked at his oversized checkered shoes and thought to himself, “Edmond Reginold Harrington, what the hell are you doing?” “I mean don’t get me wrong, I don’t feel a shred of guilt about it or anything,” Harrington told the press... Read More

Parishioner At The Back Of Long Confession Line Sure Is Optimistic

May 19, 2013 by  
Filed under Parish Life, Uncategorized

Confessional

Brooklyn, NY–Walking to the back of a nauseatingly long confession line with only five minutes to go before Mass yesterday evening, an undeterred and naively optimistic Christopher Repin smiled and greeted penitents in front of him. “God bless you guys,” a cheerful and relaxed Repin told people around him as he held up two fingers in a peace sign for those near the front of the line. Sources say that Repin appeared so at ease in... Read More

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