Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between the Church and the great people of Nigeria, he would be transferring the “sum of USD 5 millions” to an anonymous deposed Nigerian Prince. Citing an email he received just days prior, Pope Michael told those gathered that his... Read More

Pope Michael Doesn’t Know What All The Commotion Is About

Belvue, KS–Sources close to Pope Michael are strongly denying reports out Monday morning claiming that the pontiff will be retiring at the end of February. “His Holiness is deeply saddened by all the lies and hullabaloo that have been spread about him in the papers this morning stating that he is retiring due to health issues,” a source reported to his mailman. “His... Read More

Pope Michael I Announces Location Of Upcoming World Youth Day

Pope Michael I interviewed by reporters after the World Youth Day announcement Belvue, KS–Conclavist claimant to the papacy David Bawden, better known as Pope Michael I, announced today in his Wednesday general audience to his mother and four individuals who happened to be walking by, that next year’s World Youth Day would be held at his next door neighbor’s backyard. “I... Read More

Prisoners Break Free From Lunch With Pope To Return To Prison

Image_Michael Coghlan   Two prisoners in Bologna, Italy escaped during their lunch with Pope Francis yesterday, reportedly fleeing back to their jail cells after what they called a “harrowing experience.” The two inmates, who are serving time at a social reintegration facility in Castelfranco Emilia, told EOTT that, though the few bites of lasagna they ate before ditching the lunch were amazing,... Read More

Pope Francis Accidentally Misplaces Keys To The Kingdom Of Heaven

Image: Andrew Hermiz   Saying that he could’ve sworn he put them right there on top of the cabinet beside his bed, Pope Francis is reportedly frantically tearing up his apartment in search of his pair of keys to the Kingdom of Heaven that he misplaced sometime this afternoon. “Oh, come on, Francis, you always do this!” an angry Francis berated himself as he tossed sheets to the floor, looked... Read More

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