Breaking Bad Finale: Walter White’s Issues Revealed As Consequence Of Poor Childhood Catechesis

Albuquerque, NM–After five seasons, the critically acclaimed AMC drama Breaking Bad came to end last night with a stunning twist revealing that the string of incidents that caused a high school chemistry teacher to go rogue could have been avoided had it not been for the awful catechesis he received in the 1970’s. “I wanted to write something that was believable, but that would catch everyone off-guard,” said Breaking Bad producer... Read More

Benedict Breaks Silence With Letter To Atheist; Atheist Denies Existence Of Letter

VATICAN–Breaking his silence for the first time since receiving a letter from Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, in which Benedict defended himself against accusations that he tried to conceal sex abuse cases, renowned Italian atheist and mathematician Piergiorgio Odifreddi asked reporters today what they were talking about. In a letter written to media outlets around Rome this morning, Odifreddi not only denied ever receiving a response to his claim that... Read More

Man Whose Every Word Is Misrepresented Thinks 12,000 Word Interview A Good Idea

VATICAN––It was reported earlier this week that an outgoing Argentinian born man, whose every single word is misconstrued and misrepresented by friends in the media, has for some reason, resolved to give them an additional 12,000 more words to have fun with. “If you think about it, what’s the worst that could happen?” said the man as he neglected to write down even just a handful of key statements that he could use during the interview... Read More

Local Doctor Tells Patient to Stop Being “Obsessed” with his Cancer

Minneapolis, MN––Dr. Simon Townsend, in an interview with United States Magazine, sent a clear message to his patient, Mr. Christopher Watts, who is suffering from stage-four terminal cancer. “Mr. Watts needs to stop letting himself get locked up in small things like the ever-growing tumors in his lungs that daily threaten his life.” Citing a need for his patient to widen his scope and not look myopically at one particular issue, the... Read More

Bitter Old Man Writes Angry Letter To Vatican Using All Caps

Boonville, NC–Writing under the pen name “Nerocious,” 67-year-old Max Kroeger of Boonville, North Carolina sent an irate letter to the Vatican this week denouncing what he called the “abuse and corruption” inside the Vatican. Kroeger reported this morning that the 12,000 word letter addressed to “TO WHOM IT MUST CONCERN” was the fruit of a vigorous and ferocious one hour writing session he had had the prior evening... Read More

Next Page »