Parishioner Can’t Begin To Explain How Important All The Symbolism Is In Tridentine Mass

July 31, 2014 by  
Filed under Parish Life

Atlanta, GA–Local Tridentine Mass-goer Desmond Wilson reported to friends today that it was difficulty and nearly impossible for him to even begin to explain all of the subtle and nuanced symbolism contained in the Latin Mass. “It’s like…I mean, everything…literally everything means something,” Wilson whispered to friends during their first ever Tridentine Mass. “And all of those ‘somethings’ are so important. That’s why I prefer... Read More

New Study Shows Larger Number Of Faithful Catholics Living In Mosul Than In California

July 28, 2014 by  
Filed under Libs & Trads

According to a new report out today by the Vatican, there are currently more Catholics who adhere to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church currently residing in war-torn Mosul than in California. The report shows that although the Christian population in Mosul has been completely decimated by members of ISIS, thereby leaving not a single Christian in the region, that it still somehow boasts a larger number of wholehearted Christians than in California. One... Read More

31 NFL Head Coaches Face Possible Firings For Not Drafting Openly Gay Defensive End Michael Sam

July 23, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

New York, NY–According to reports coming from the National Football League today, 31 NFL head coaches are facing possible firings after intolerantly deciding to pass over mediocre 24-year-old Defensive End Michael Sam. “We cannot and will not tolerate intolerance in the National Football League,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell told the press this morning. “Therefore, we have decided to suspend every coach that passed on this, at best, second-rate... Read More

Mosul Muslims Delight Christian Neighbors with “One-Eyed Willy” Smiley Faces

July 19, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

Mosul, IRAQ––The Western Media is reporting a growing new trend in Iraq’s ancient city of Mosul, showing the comradery between its Muslim and Christian inhabitants: a playful bit of graffiti spray-painted on a growing number of Christian homes. “The symbol clearly represents the character of One-Eyed Willy, the legendary pirate whose treasure is sought by the charming rascals we know as the Goonies,” said MSNBC correspondent Brian Fisher, from... Read More

EWTN Acquires Holy See

July 17, 2014 by  
Filed under Vatican

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired the Vatican-based Holy See. “EWTN has been a partner with the Holy See for many years, and I am very pleased and excited that this highly respected organization will become a part of the EWTN family of services,” said Network chairman Michael P. Warsaw. “Since its founding two-thousand years ago, the Vatican has proven itself to be a valuable source for... Read More

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