St. Patrick’s Day Drunks And Gluttons Afraid Inclusion Of Gay Group At Parade Will Make Mockery Of Feast Day

New York, NY–The nation’s St. Patrick’s day drunks and gluttons expressed outrage this week after learning that a gay group would be allowed to march in this year’s St. Patrick’s Day parade. Stating that a gay group being allowed to march at the St. Patrick’s Day parade would make a mockery of the Church, New York resident and perpetually drunk Catholic Jonathan Fold slobberingly... Read More

Dolan, Jenky To Settle Dispute Over Sheen Remains In Octagon

A verbal battle between two Catholic leaders over the body of legendary Archbishop Fulton Sheen has put the former television personality’s sainthood campaign on hiatus. The bishop of Peoria,  Illinois, Bishop Daniel Jenky, has been working to beatify Sheen for some time, but all that came to an unexpected hiatus this week when Cardinal Timothy Dolan of New York reportedly told Jenky to “Back... Read More

Uruguayan Pastor Bites Rival Priest During Mass

New York, NY—Just a day after Uruguay star Luis Suarez allegedly bit Italy defender Giorgio Chiellini at the World Cup, Uruguayan born priest, Father Roldolfo Pontet, is now being investigated for biting a rival priest during a morning Mass in New York. The USCCB said early today that its disciplinary committee has opened proceedings against Pontet. If the Uruguayan priest, already banned twice... Read More

USCCB To Consider Implementing Challenge Flags And Instant Replays During Masses

“Parishioners are challenging the orthodoxy of the homily.” Washington, D.C.–As bishops from across the country gather in Washington, D.C. this weekend for the annual USCCB Liturgical Conference, many within the Church are speculating about rumors that U.S. bishops may vote on a proposal to implement instant replay for every Mass starting in 2014. The idea of using instant... Read More