Pope Francis Spends First Day In Korea Wondering Whether He’s In The Good Or Bad Korea

August 14, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

Seoul, Good Korea–The pope read a 10-minute speech in English at the Presidential office in Seoul, noting that the name “South Korea” was not distinct enough from “the other one” so as to help westerners remember which of the two is the bad one. Although he did not directly mention North Korea, the references were clear, with his speech following an address by South Korean President... Read More

Germany Abdicates World Cup Championship; Argentina To Assume Title

July 13, 2014 by  
Filed under Vatican

BRAZIL––The German National Team today stunned soccer fans across the globe with their announcement that they would abdicate the World Cup title, effective today. FIFA, the international governing body of association football, said today it has voted the largely unknown Argentinian National Team to assume the title of champions of the soccer world. In a statement issued today, the... Read More

Peace Breaks Out In Israel Moments After Magic Olive Tree Planted

June 9, 2014 by  
Filed under Politics

VATICAN–Just moments after Israeli President Shimon Peres and his Palestinian counterpart Mahmoud Abbas helped Pope Francis plant an Olive Tree in the Vatican Garden yesterday, the Jewish news outlet The Fiddler reported that peace had broken out in Israel. Upon hearing the news, Pope Francis told Israeli and Palestinian leaders “I told you so. I told you so. Didn’t I tell you... Read More

Pope Attends Charismatic Prayer Service To Experience What Torture Feels Like

June 2, 2014 by  
Filed under Parish Life

ROME –  Pope Francis led a pep rally yesterday in Rome’s Olympic Stadium in front of more than 50,000 Catholics who follow charismatic movements. While listening to what many have termed “the most heinous music ever prayed to,” 50,000 Catholics raised their hands in unison as they prayed for Francis, who silently and repeatedly asked God Almighty to just make it stop. Francis told the... Read More

Pope Francis Awaiting Final Approval Of Internet Troll Before Promulgating Encyclical

May 29, 2014 by  
Filed under Parish Life

  VATICAN–Vatican sources are confirming that Pope Francis has nearly completed his new Encyclical Letter, and is awaiting the final approval of Reginald Edwards, an internet troll commonly known as “PiusXIIRoxII.” Edwards, who has read several paragraphs of the Catechism, three books by Peter Kreeft, and half of St. John Paul II’s “Fides et Ratio,” is... Read More

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