Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire
Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though he were some sort of Beverly Hills millionaire. “He pulled out a crisp $10 bill from his billfold, snapped it a couple times, folded in half, and flicked... Read More
Clown At Circus Mass Reprimanded For Honking Sanctus Horn At Wrong Part Of Consecration
October 20, 2013 by Admin
Filed under Libs & Trads
Sources say that just minutes after a Circus Mass at St. Pius X Catholic Church concluded earlier this morning, Church Pastor and Ring Master Fr. Reggie Smith reprimanded a clown deacon for having honked the Sanctus Horn several seconds after the consecration. “The GIRM clearly states that a little before the Consecration, when appropriate, a server honks a horn as a signal to the audience,” an... Read More
Android Priests Being Developed To Help Say Mass, Hear Confessions
Prototype clergydroid Fr. SRT4-11392 celebrating its first wedding ceremony. Vatican––The Vatican has confirmed reports today that an agreement has been reached with the International Federation of Robotics (IFR) to begin development of what they are calling “Clergydroids.” The news comes as relief to many seminary directors around the world that have seen their numbers plummet... Read More
New California Law Forces Parishes To Switch To E-Thuribles
A new ban on thurible smoke will take effect in all California churches beginning in 2014 State officials are now confirming. The ban, which comes decades after a 1995 ruling that banned all smoking in enclosed workplaces in California, is set to take effect in all Catholic churches across the state. Governor Jerry Brown (D) of California told the press Thursday that he hoped the move... Read More
Homily Never Going To End, Sources Confirm
June 20, 2013 by Admin
Filed under Mass, Uncategorized
Galveston, TX–Multiple sources at Prince of Peace Catholic Church in Galveston, Texas have just confirmed that parish pastor Fr. Robert Warner is “never going to wrap up his freaking homily.” 29-year-old mother of three Katrin Flores told Eye of the Tiber that Warner, whose homily was now running more than 25 minutes long, did not seem to be losing any steam whatsoever. “There... Read More