People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass

Maestro Who Conducts Symphony With Back Facing Audience Labelled Radical Traditionalist
After conducting his first symphony since being named Maestro of the New Mexico Philharmonic, Chinese-born Li Wei Chen has been under heavy scrutiny from longtime patrons for conducting Beethoven’s famous 9th Symphony while facing... Read More

SSPX Chess Player Creates Bishop Pieces Without World Chess Federation Approval
Image: Benjamin Fishman Society of St. Pius X chess grandmaster Larcel Mafebvre has turned four of his pieces into bishops without approval from the World Chess Federation, officials have confirmed. “Mr. Mafebvre has, without approval... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear
Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders
Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More
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Libs & Trads

Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates
Image:Brendan Riley Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that... Read More

Possible Liturgical Wreckage Spotted In Search For Missing Tabernacle
Austin, TX–Norwegian has become one of the first men to reach the area where possible debris from the missing tabernacle at St. Jude Catholic Church was spotted... Read More

Pope Michael I Announces Location Of Upcoming World Youth Day
Pope Michael I interviewed by reporters after the World Youth Day announcement Belvue, KS–Conclavist claimant to the papacy David Bawden, better known as... Read More

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes
WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former President Jimmy Carter talked about his letter to mathematicians. In it, Carter called on... Read More
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Politics

God Apparently Hates Brazil
Kingdom of Heaven––Speaking from His Eternal Throne of Cherubim,... Read More

CNN Forced To Neglect Coverage Of March For Life Due To Breaking Footage Of Dolphin Stranded In NYC Canal
Atlanta, GA––CNN PR director Richard Seymour apologized to... Read More

Media Ignores Murder Trial of Abortionist who Severed Spines of Infants 19 Years After Their Birth
Dr. Kermit Gosnell Minneapolis, MN–The mainstream media is largely... Read More

Francis Writes Emotional Letter To Nike Executives Thanking Them For Taking Spotlight Off Him
Pope Francis has reportedly sent an emotional letter to executives... Read More
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Vatican
Pope Francis Not Sure What To Make Of His Papacy Thus Far

VATICAN CITY––It was announced earlier this afternoon that His Holiness Pope... Read More
Cardinal Kasper Adds Three Sacraments

Vatican City––Citing the need for the Church to “update herself with modern... Read More
Vatican Offering Cyber Monday 50% Off Sale On All Indulgences

Even though far more Catholics shopped online than in churches on Black Friday... Read More
Francis Condemns Magnum Principium, Begins Saying Latin Mass After Hitting Head During Popemobile Accident

Image:Zebra48bo Days after the Pontiff sustained injuries after hitting his... Read More