People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long
Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

Outrage After Man Butchers Beloved Liturgy In Zimbabwe
A priest arrested in the butchering of a beloved Mass in Zimbabwe was released Wednesday by an ecclesiastical court on $1,000 bail. Fr. Theo Braxton, a professional Mass butcher since the 1960’s, said through his attorney that he was innocent... Read More

Man Dressed As Tabernacle At Halloween Party Ignored; Is Moved To Corner Of Room
According to reports from several eyewitnesses moments ago, 27-year-old Emmanuel Dickens, who showed up to a Halloween party dressed as his favorite tabernacle, was promptly ignored and escorted to the corner of the room. The party’s... Read More

Parishioner Agnes Day Excited About New Vatican Crackdown On Her Name
Manchester, NH––For over 40 years, Agnes Day, parishioner at St. Luke Parish, has quietly suffered what she called “decades of unnecessary adaptations to her name.” Day, a daily communicant, told Eye of the Tiber how decades... Read More
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Libs & Trads

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”
Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates
Image:Brendan Riley Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that... Read More

Müller To Build Vatican II Theme Park
VATICAN–Speaking to the press Wednesday afternoon, Prefect of the Congregation of the Doctrine of Faith Archbishop Gerhard Ludwig Müller announced plans... Read More

Forward-Thinking Traditionalist To Allow Wife To Wear Pants
Traditionalist husband Arthur Nash issued his wife of eighteen years, Carla Nash, permission to wear pants “in a manner that is conducive to comfort,... Read More
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Politics

White Supremacist Catholic Really Hoping That Heaven Is Segregated
Cradle Catholic and longtime white supremacist Jacob Baton told... Read More

Nancy Pelosi Recites Her Favorite Bible Verse: “What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger”
Image: Gage Skidmore House Speaker Nancy Pelosi quoted her favorite... Read More

Trump Reportedly No Longer Considering Pope Francis As Running Mate
Close to a week after presidential nominee Donald Trump called Mexicans... Read More

Brett Kavanaugh To Lead Life Of Prayer, Penance At DC Kegger
Former nominee to the Supreme Court Brett Kavanaugh has begun his... Read More
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Vatican
“Minotaurs And Krakens Is Where I Draw The line,” Pope Francis Says. “I Would Not Convert Them”

VATICAN–Pope Francis said in his morning Mass on Monday that if Martians came... Read More
[News From The Future] Martians Protest During Third Vatican Council

Martians from the northern quadrant of sector 490-3t protesting. New Calcedonia,... Read More
Pope Benedict Declares 2013 “Year Of Stuff”

Vatican – Wednesday Angelus attendees were shocked today when His Holiness Pope... Read More
Pope Francis Bows To Refrigerator, Houseplant

VATICAN CITY–As head of state at the Vatican, as well as leader of the world’s... Read More