People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

After 26 Weeks Of Anticipation, 27th Sunday In Ordinary Time Just Around Corner

Thousands flock to St. Peter’s to reserve spots for Mass during the 27th Sunday in Ordinary Time. The Christian West––After 26 weeks of eager anticipation, it was reported today that hundreds of millions of Catholics from across the... Read More

Priest Magician Performs Folk Mass Illusion; Makes Parishioners Disappear

Las Vegas, NV––Citing a large demand for his Folk Mass illusion, part-time magician Fr. George Richmond of Las Vegas, Nevada told reporters Sunday that he would begin to perform the trick every Sunday at 9:00 am. “I remember last... Read More

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Local Rad Trad Gives Wife Permission To Receive Communion

  Admitting that his wife had done a “fairly good job” being subservient to him this week, local SSPV man Randall Thomas acknowledged Wednesday that he... Read More

No One At Mass Sure Whether They At Catholic Or Protestant Service

Despite efforts to figure whether they were in a Catholic or Protestant service, local parishioners were left baffled after an “animated” man wearing vestments... Read More

Unimaginative Priest Celebrates Themeless Mass

Citing a lack of time and energy, as well as feeling the “total absence of the liturgical muse,” local pastor Fr. Mike Conway this week spent close to no time... Read More

SSPX Sentences Priest To 1,000 Lashes For Smiling During Mass

Society of St. Pius X priest Fr. Donald Johnson has been sentenced to three years in prison and 1,000 lashes for allegedly smiling during the Mass two weeks ago. Johnson... Read More

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Politics

Fr. Frank Pavone Accidentally Named Supreme Court Nominee After Obama Inadvertently Picks Up Wrong File From Desk

Image: Wiki Commons Catholic priest and pro-life activist Fr. Frank Pavone... Read More

Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors

VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More

Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

  Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared... Read More

Francis Pulls Vatican Out Of The “Columbia House 8 CDs For A Penny” Deal

Pope Francis announced Tuesday that he will withdraw the Vatican from... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican To Issue Martin Luther Tramp Stamps

According to several reports out today, the Vatican will be issuing lower back tattoos... Read More

[BREAKING] Benedict To Remain Pope, Area Catholic Dreaming

You know you wanna come back...please come back!

Albany, NY––Just days after he shocked the world by announcing his decision... Read More

Pope Francis Accidentally Misplaces Keys To The Kingdom Of Heaven

Image: Andrew Hermiz   Saying that he could’ve sworn he put them right there... Read More

Blase Cupich Denies Allegations He Is Sane

Image: Goat_Girl   Cardinal Blase Cupich responded to an anonymous letter earlier... Read More

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