People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Developing: Sick Man Attempting To Shake Your Hand During Sign Of Peace

Fort Worth, TX––It is being reported this second that the sick man who has been violently coughing into his hands all Mass has been feverishly trying to get your attention to shake hands during the Sign of Peace. “I already threw... Read More

Family Fighting For Good Seats At Christmas Mass With The Zeal Of 12th Century Crusaders

Reporting that he and his family had been forced from their aisle seat just minutes after acquiring it, 48-year-old Brenden O’Malley told EOTT moments ago that he would “not rest till his aisle seat was once again reclaimed.” “Beset,... Read More

“Why Ain’t Nobody Singin’ Back the Responsory?” Lector Wondering. “My Arms Is Raised Up High Like They Supposed To Be”

Knoxville, TN––Lector at St. Hildegund Catholic Church in Nashville, Tennessee Helen Banks is currently questioning why parishioners are neglecting to sing the Responsory after clearly being given the cue to respond. “Why ain’t... Read More

“We’re Taking All The Good Seats On Christmas, And You’re Gonna Stand There And Like It,” Nominal Catholics Report

YOUR PARISH––”We’re taking every pew and every freaking seat in the house tonight and tomorrow, and you’re just gonna have to stand there and like it,” bitter Christmas/Easter Catholics told the nation’s practicing... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Report: Some 2nd Century Roman Christians Hated Latin Mass Because It Was Said In The Vernacular

ROME–A letter written by an anonymous early Roman Christian was unearthed at the base of the Palatine Hills earlier this week, revealing that many Christians... Read More

Liberal Catholic University To Replace Church With Massive Cafeteria

Miami, FL––To help accommodate the diverse palates of Mater Dei University’s large Catholic student-body, President Jon Heinz has announced plans to... Read More

Christendom College Student Won’t Shut Up With The Latin Already

“Colligium Christendum in Virginium est. Christendum bonum scholasticum est.”-Ben Tate Friends of Christendom College freshman Ben Tate reported this... Read More

Jesus Assumes New Role As Savior Emeritus After Catholic Blogger Takes Over Task Of Saving Church From Francis

Catholic blogger Nicholas Robison, best known for his blog, More Catholic Than Jesus, announced today that he has officially assumed the role of Savior of the world,... Read More

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Politics

Vatican To Allow Trump To Choose American Bishops

Image: Gage Skidmore   The Vatican’s recent agreement to give... Read More

Head Of Opus Dei Reaffirms Prelature Not A Cult

ROME––Bishop Javier Echevarria Rodriguez, head of the Prelature of... Read More

Trump Overturns Roe v. Wade

Image: Gage Skidmore Just a day after Donald Trump shocked the world by... Read More

Catholic Democrats Vote In Referendum To Secede From Catholicism

Washington—Catholic Democrats voted to secede from the Catholic Church... Read More

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Vatican

Francis Practicing Emeritus Signature

  Mere days after former Vatican ambassador to the US, Archbishop Carlo Maria... Read More

Pope Saving Ring Pop All For Himself Today

Recent footage of Pope Francis shows him repeatedly pulling his hand away from... Read More

Pope Francis Stumbles; Foreshadowing Of Unstable Papacy?

A sign of things to come? VATICAN––Media outlets around the world were quick... Read More

Members Of Roman Curia Flood Michael Voris With Invitations To Visit Vatican

Image: WikiCommons Just days after Catholic internet personality Michael Voris revealed... Read More

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