People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Area Parishioner Reporting He’s Not Gay; Ain’t Gonna Hold Another Man’s Hand During Our Father

Fort Worth, TX––77-year-old Richard Kantor of Fort Worth, Texas is reporting at this hour that he ain’t no gay, and therefore not gonna hold another man’s hand during the Our Father. “I ain’t gonna do it. Never... Read More

“Our Father” Ringtone Conveniently Goes Off During “Our Father,” Keeping Everyone In Key

Topeka, KS–According to sources at Our Lady Star of the Sea Parish in Topeka, Kansas, a phone belonging to an unidentified person went off early Sunday morning during the Our Father, despite the pastor’s repeated requests that... Read More

Fr. Zuhlsdorf Installs Electric Altar Rails; 2 Women Injured

It is being reported that the two unidentified Catholics who rushed the altar this morning to assist Fr. John Zuhlsdorf during the Mass were injured after they were shocked by electric altar rails installed by the priest. The well-known Catholic... Read More

Area Catholic Preparing To Be Notified About Dirt On Forehead All Day Long

Watertown, MN––While receiving ashes on his forehead at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Watertown, Minnesota early this morning, area Catholic Trevor Davis fervently prayed for patience to endure what he expected to be a “long day... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Jack Chick Having Heated Debate With Saint Peter At Pearly Gates

Image:Brendan Riley Evangelical cartoonist Jack Chick whose tracts spread biblical messages to the pagan world, as well as notified a billion Roman Catholics that... Read More

Pope Michael I Announces Location Of Upcoming World Youth Day

Pope Michael I interviewed by reporters after the World Youth Day announcement Belvue, KS–Conclavist claimant to the papacy David Bawden, better known as... Read More

Disgruntled Parishioner Vows To Halt Weekly $1 Donation Until Church Accepts Female Priests

  Disgruntled Parishioner of St. Agatha Catholic Church James Fitzgerald reported yesterday that he would hence for no longer financial assist the church with... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

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Politics

Around The Clock Coverage As Tens Of People March To Protect European Starling Bird Eggs

European Starling eggs. Washington, DC–MSNBC has announced that they... Read More

Cohen Accuses Trump Of Not Being The Chivalrous Gentleman and Scholar Entire Nation Thinks He Is

Image: Gage Skidmore In devastating testimony on Capitol Hill earlier... Read More

Recreational Heresy Now Officially Legal in California Parishes

  Roman Catholic dioceses in California began allowing recreational... Read More

Seminary Recruiting Scandal Rocks Diocese

Image_Chris Watson   The USCCB’s crackdown on seminary recruiting... Read More

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Vatican

Pope Emeritus Benedict Glances At Cover Of Time Magazine Again, Discreetly Wipes Tear From Eye

VATICAN–Sources close to the Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI reported that the... Read More

Synod On The Family Admits New ‘Caitlyn’ Jenner Vanity Fair Cover ‘A Game Changer’

Members of the Synod on the Family scrambled to meet today to discuss what some... Read More

Pope Francis Says He Would Baptise Aliens

Pope Francis has said that he would be willing to baptise aliens if they came to... Read More

Pope Francis Names Archbishop Cupich As His Successor

Image: Goat_Girl The Vatican announced this week that Chicago Archbishop Blase Cupich... Read More

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