People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada
After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More
Mass
Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot
According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More
Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents
DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More
Pope’s New Crossguard Lightsaber Crosier Stirring Up Controversy With Liturgical Purists
VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass. Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors... Read More
Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass
The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More
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Libs & Trads
Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology
Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011,... Read More
Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”
Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More
New Study Shows Larger Number Of Faithful Catholics Living In Mosul Than In California
According to a new report out today by the Vatican, there are currently more Catholics who adhere to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church currently residing in... Read More
NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers
NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers... Read More
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Politics
Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms
JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads... Read More
Local Christian Still Pretty Hopeful Abortion Soon To Be Banned After Brett Kavanaugh Sides With Planned Parenthood
Telling fellow parishioners that even though Brett Kavanaugh for... Read More
New Terrorist Video Shows Christians Being Served Coffee In Red Cups
A new terrorist video put out today by Starbucks shows the latest batch... Read More
Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors
VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More
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Vatican
New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way
VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope,... Read More
Vatican Picks Up Free Agent Tim Tebow
VATICAN––Last year, after being released by his second NFL team, Tim Tebow sat... Read More
EWTN Acquires Holy See
Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired... Read More
Prisoners Break Free From Lunch With Pope To Return To Prison
Image_Michael Coghlan Two prisoners in Bologna, Italy escaped during their... Read More