People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

Irish Priests To Extend Confession Times To 8 Hours A Day Because Of “Gargantuan” Number Of Penitents

DUBLIN––At the annual conference of the Association of Catholic Priests in Dublin, pastors from across Ireland gathered to voice their concerns about the “gargantuan” number of Catholics going to confession. “This is a full... Read More

Pope’s New Crossguard Lightsaber Crosier Stirring Up Controversy With Liturgical Purists

VATICAN — Vatican television took the liturgical world by storm last Friday by giving Catholics their very first official look at a short teaser trailer from the upcoming papal Christmas Mass. Focusing much of the trailer on new cantors... Read More

Vatican Approves New Emoji Translation Of Mass

The Vatican announced today that Pope Francis has approved a new emoji translation of the Mass to help young adults more actively follow along during church services. “We’ve found that most young adults can no longer read complete sentences... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Black Sheep Dog, John Corapi, Issues Apology

Hudson, NY––Former S.O.L.T. priest, John Corapi, has apologized today for what he called a “negligent and insensitive decision.” On June 7th, 2011,... Read More

Pope Michael Comes To Aid Of Deposed Nigerian Prince; Transfers “Sum of USD 5 Millions”

Belvue, KS––Speaking from his porcelain throne yesterday, Pope Michael announced to those gathered in the papal living room that, as sign of unity between... Read More

New Study Shows Larger Number Of Faithful Catholics Living In Mosul Than In California

According to a new report out today by the Vatican, there are currently more Catholics who adhere to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church currently residing in... Read More

NASA Discovers Earth-like Planet That Could Support Maryknoll Fathers

NASA astronomers today revealed that they have discovered an Earth-like planet close to 600 light years away that might be able to sustain the Maryknoll Fathers... Read More

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Politics

Pope Hopes To Strengthen Interfaith Relations In Jerusalem, But Mostly Hoping To Just Stay Alive, Vatican Confirms

JERUSALEM–Fifty years after the historic embrace between the heads... Read More

Local Christian Still Pretty Hopeful Abortion Soon To Be Banned After Brett Kavanaugh Sides With Planned Parenthood

  Telling fellow parishioners that even though Brett Kavanaugh for... Read More

New Terrorist Video Shows Christians Being Served Coffee In Red Cups

A new terrorist video put out today by Starbucks shows the latest batch... Read More

Pope’s Peace Doves Attacked By Metaphors

VATICAN–In a gesture at the Vatican’s annual “Caravan... Read More

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Vatican

New American Idol Format For Papal Elections Under Way

VATICAN CITY––With just one day left before voting begins to elect a new pope,... Read More

Vatican Picks Up Free Agent Tim Tebow

VATICAN––Last year, after being released by his second NFL team, Tim Tebow sat... Read More

EWTN Acquires Holy See

Irondale, AL–EWTN Global Catholic Network announced today that it has acquired... Read More

Prisoners Break Free From Lunch With Pope To Return To Prison

Image_Michael Coghlan   Two prisoners in Bologna, Italy escaped during their... Read More

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