People Preparing McCarrick Report Same People As Counting Votes In Nevada

After days of ballot counting in Nevada, officials from the state revealed earlier this morning that they were, in fact, the same people that were... Read More

Mass

Study Finds That Tripping Over Vestments And Falling On Face During Mass Sucks A Lot

According to a new study by the USCCB, tripping over your vestments while walking to the altar before falling face first in front of everyone you just passive-aggressively burned during the homily for not donating enough sucks big time. “Of... Read More

New Eco-Friendly Church Using Biodegradable Chalice

LONDON––Speaking to an assembly of Catholic priests in London yesterday, Pastor of St. Philip Neri Catholic Church in nearby Chigwell, England Fr. Timothy Rooney announced yesterday that he would be transforming his church into a more... Read More

Thousands Camp Outside Churches In Anticipation Of Black Friday Masses

Hundreds of church-goers stamped into Saint Theresa Parish on Black Friday, 2011, just moments before four are tragically trampled to death. As anticipated, thousands of church-goers have already camped out in front of churches all across the... Read More

Man Drops $10 In Donation Basket Like He’s Some Kind Of Beverly Hills Millionaire

Atherton, CA––In what many witnesses are calling “a stunning act of generosity,” a mysterious parishioner was spotted placing a $10 bill into the donation basket at the St. Mark’s Catholic Church 9:00 am Mass as though... Read More

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Libs & Trads

Clown At Circus Mass Reprimanded For Honking Sanctus Horn At Wrong Part Of Consecration

Sources say that just minutes after a Circus Mass at St. Pius X Catholic Church concluded earlier this morning, Church Pastor and Ring Master Fr. Reggie Smith reprimanded... Read More

President Carter Says Mathematicians Should Allow Square Pegs To Fit In Round Holes

WASHINGTON––In an interview with CNN’s Erin Burnett, former President Jimmy Carter talked about his letter to mathematicians. In it, Carter called on... Read More

Dejected Stars Ryan Gosling And Emma Stone To Teach Liturgical Dance At Next Year’s LA LA Religious Education Conference

After a humiliating loss for Best Picture at this year’s Academy Awards, desperate La La Land stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone have signed a one-weekend... Read More

New Study Shows Larger Number Of Faithful Catholics Living In Mosul Than In California

According to a new report out today by the Vatican, there are currently more Catholics who adhere to the Magisterium of the Catholic Church currently residing in... Read More

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Politics

Parents Who Allowed 5-Year-Old Daughter To Declare Herself A Boy Demand He Eats His Carrots

  Santa Barbara, CA––Proud parents from Santa Barbara have shared... Read More

Breaking: Your Side Will Win The Midterm Elections Today Because Of Your Comment On A Facebook Post

  In what many are calling a spectacular turn of events, pollsters... Read More

Vatican Opens Cause Of Canonization For Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg After Mistakenly Believing Her Dead And Incorrupt

Much to its embarrassment, it was discovered this week that the Congregation... Read More

World Must Choose Between Excommunicating And Canonizing Covington Teens, With No Other Options

      Students from Covington Catholic high school located... Read More

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Vatican

Vatican Press Office Officially Announces All Phone Lines in Vatican To Be Disconnected For Remainder Of Pontificate

VATICAN––The Vatican Press Office Director Father Federico Lombardi issued... Read More

Wind Gust Nearly Blows Off Benedict’s Zucchetto, Leading Media To Speculate About More Stuff

VATICAN CITY–Media outlets around the world are buzzing with speculation this... Read More

Pope Retracts Punch In The Face Remark; Says He Would Kick Them In Nuts

En route to the Philippines from Sri Lanka yesterday, Pope Francis said that he... Read More

5 Memorable Moments From Francis’ First Year

  The winds of change blow off Francis’ zucchetto Pope Francis tweeted... Read More

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